A female dungeoneer, introducing herself as CAEI from #Knightmare, stands with the knapsack slung over her shoulder. TREGUARD places the Helmet of Justice over her head to protect her from illusion. Her advisors JOBE, GUEST and CYPHER are seated nearby.
Are you ready, Caei?
Yes and i wont stop till my eyeball bounces off!
Very well. Turn then, face the dungeon door, and step boldly forward.
CAEI enters the dungeon.
CAEI wanders into a plain green room. TREGUARD waits for the inevitable "Where am I?"
You're in a green room with a table. Sidestep to your right.
Before you can take your chances in the dungeon, Caei, you'll have to
try your luck here. Roll the dice, and learn your fate.
CAEI finds a dice on the table and rolls it. A giant version bounces off the walls. As it comes to rest, the nearest side lifts up to reveal three doors inside.
There are three exits and the middle one has a shield above it. Move to
the back of the table and then walk forward.
CAEI exits via the Shield door. CYPHER silently scribbles notes.
CAEI enters a cavern with exits to the left and right.
Caei, you're in a room with a big stone monster breathing fire, which is
coming up through cracks in the path. Take sidesteps to your right...
now walk forward. OK, wait a minute. Don't go till I tell you... go!
CAEI takes a single step forward.
You're on fire!
Ow! that was my only lung :(
CAEI exits the cave. CYPHER silently scribbles notes.
CAEI enters a room with a chequered floor and a single exit.
There's a table in front of you with some objects on it - a meat pie, an
egg, a green gem and a dagger. Walk forward.
Objects of interest here, team, but first the food to restore your life force.
Take the pie.
The face of GOLGARACH appears on the wall.
Who DARES disturb the sleep of Golgarach? Answer now - who DARES?
Three truths I seek, and here is my first. Where would you find the Giant's
I think Guest knows..
Here's your 1st hint, scrambled: nronreht relnida
Truth accepted. Here is my second. What is six times twenty-eight?
ask jeeves, he is smarter than the average Caei
Calculator: 6*28 = 168
Truth accepted. Here is my third. Who famously misread POTION as
you want the truth? you can't handle the truth!
Series 7 Team 5
Falsehood! Series 2 Team 11 was the truth I sought.
[kicks Guest back]
Two is the score. Your quest is for the Shield, but it will not defend you.
A good egg may find use for a bad one. The first step is the yawn.
You've learned all you can here team, so make your choice and exit fast.
Take the egg and the gem. Sidestep right till you reach the wall. Walk
forward. Now sidestep right.
CAEI exits the clue room. CYPHER silently scribbles notes.
CAEI enters the room via a door on the left. There is another door at the back. A large bomb hangs in the corner.
Uh-oh - Caei?
The sound of a match being struck. The fuse is suddenly lit.
Someone set up us the bomb.
Caei, can you turn left and get the hell out of there?
but i have no ARMS... NO ARMS$*#*#@?!@!@@!$~
CAEI exits through the other door just as the bomb explodes. CYPHER silently scribbles notes.
CAEI enters a timber-framed room with three exits.
You're in some sort of kitchen with various pots and pans. There's a door
on the left, two doors at the back, a table, a chair and a stool.
Warning team, complete temporal disruption approaching...
[puts on nightie]
A loud chime. CAEI freezes on the spot, as do her advisors.
Oh dear - temporal disruption complete. All adventuring must now cease
until you phase with us once more.
Welcome back to the age of adventure. For those who dare the deadliest
dungeon of them all, I, Treguard, issue the challenge. Even now a quest
is in progress, so here's a progress report.
From Knightmare Chat there came a bot
For now, time out is gone; the quest is on.
[awakens from a nightmare about a hundred billion naked Mildreads
violently smearing honey on a jester's stick]
OLAF enters the kitchen through one of the doors at the back.
Lol l@@k its Olaf.
[gnashes his teeth and prepares an additional blindfold]
Ooh! An intruder in the level, I see! Choose you must, please. Loot, pillage
[flips a coin]
Hohohoho! You want the killings, Olaf is very happy to be killing you!
[bonks Caei on the head]
[chairs Olaf in return]
[staggers around, seeing stars]
[sniggers at Olaf]
Perhaps we should choose the lootings instead, yes?
!ask Shall we give him the gem?
( Guest) Instead of answering that, why don't we all have a go on the
Caei, give Olaf the gem.
[gives Olaf the gem]
Ohh, green stone! It's very beautiful.
[takes the gem from Caei]
hey! o_O i needed that
Olaf will be going now. Very happy with green stone, huhuhuh. Bye-bye
OLAF leaves the room.
i like them :o)
OK, walk forward.
CAEI exits the kitchen. CYPHER silently scribbles notes.
CAEI is standing on a narrow rocky ledge in a cave.
Caei, there's a pit in front of you, with a snake's tongue moving across
it like a bridge.
Time your crossing with care, team, and aim for the ledge on the
Walk forward Caei...
CAEI strolls along the tongue. It begins to slide back into the serpent's mouth as she nears the other ledge.
It's too late; the serpent swallows CAEI before she can sidestep to safety. CYPHER silently scribbles notes.
CAEI slides into a large muscular sac that is contracting rhythmically.
Well, if you will go walking into a monster's mouth, Caei, are you really
surprised to end up in its stomach?
Guest made me.
You'd better do something fast, team, for the gruesome business of
digestion is already beginning.
Caei, what do you think we should do?
An eggdrop i guess.
OK, drop the egg.
CAEI drops the egg. CYPHER silently scribbles notes. The stomach heaves and regurgitates CAEI.
CAEI is standing up to her waist in murky water.
You seem to be in a swimming pool, Caei. There's a door at the back.
Hello! What are you doing in there?
well you asked the right guy, i'm a whale biologist
Oh... that's strange. I was looking for a dungeoneer. Are you on a quest?
Yeah want a go? :)
Goodness, no, it all sounds far too dangerous for me. But if you're going
on a quest, then you're going to need some magic. And since I've got a
spell I don't need, you might as well have it. It's called REVEAL.
[gives Caei the spell]
Just what I've always wanted ^_^
One more thing - don't forget, the second step is breakfast. Bye now!
MELLISANDRE waves and skips out of the room.
I wish they didn't have to go =[
A triangular dorsal fin appears in the water with CAEI.
What's that?! There's a shark in the pool!! :O
Quick, walk forward and climb out.
CAEI gets out of the water and onto a narrow ledge.
Now turn to your right and walk forward. Stop. Turn right. Walk forward.
Stop. Sidestep to your left.
CAEI exits the room. CYPHER silently scribbles notes.
CAEI walks into a room with no other exits.
You're in a room... there doesn't seem to be anything in here.
And no way out either, team. What are you going to do?
We could try the spell, I suppose. Spellcasting: R-E-V-E-A-L.
A wellway appears.
There's a wellway now, Caei. Walk forward and climb into it.
CAEI descends to Level 2. CYPHER silently scribbles notes.
CAEI stands on a rotating disc.
OK, there are five doors and one of them's marked with a shield.
Welcome to Level 2, Caei. Choose your exit wisely, for some of these doors
are safer than others. But first, guide her to the edge of the Spindizzy.
Right, shuffle forward.
CAEI reaches the edge of the disc.
When I say go, you need to jump off. Do you think you can do that, Caei?
[flies through the air with the greatest of ease]
CAEI stumbles through the Shield door. CYPHER silently scribbles notes.
CAEI stands in a doorway at the top of a staircase.
You're in a room with a large table. It looks like there's some food on the
table. Walk down the stairs.
CAEI descends the staircase. The face of MOGDRED appears, laughing.
Quail, intruder! LOOK UPON MOGDRED AND QUAIL!
[is blown off feet by force of Mogdred's statement]
There will be no interference, Caei. You have come quite far enough.
Unless you wish to pledge allegiance to me, your progress is at an end.
Do you so pledge?
Excellent. In that case, I will gift you one of my most awesome spells.
Its name is VICTORY, and with it you will be a winner!
!ask Do you think we should cast the spell?
( Guest) Definitely! Go for it!
OK. Spellcasting: V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!
Fragments of skin and bone rapidly peel away from CAEI's life force sprite. Soon the skull is gone and a bell tolls as the last eyeball flies off.
Oooh, nasty. The enemy has tricked you, I'm afraid... there are no
shortcuts on a quest for truth and justice. Well actually there are,
but let's not go into that now. You needn't worry about Caei,
though - Forester is resetting her as we speak. Now it's time for
you to join her. Spellcasting: D-I-S-M-I-S-S!