Australian flag Tuesday 16th November 1993
Adelaide, Australia

Football Park

MacPhisto: "Daddy always pays." [picks up a banknote from the stage] "A Zoo ECU!  How are we tonight in Adelaide? I know you like your pop stars to be exciting so I bought these." [shows off platform boots] "That's what you young people call rock 'n' roll, eh? Do you think I'm glamorous?"

Crowd: [cheer]

MacPhisto: "You know, beneath all the powder and the lip gloss, I'm a tired old pop star. And I'm finding it very difficult at the moment to meet people... especially young ladies, they're all frightened of me."

Crowd: [screams]

MacPhisto: "But is it me that you love, or is it my horns? I was hoping... it would rain. What do you think the chances of rain are this evening...?" [gives a spooky smile as raindrops begin to fall] "Would that spoil my chance with the young ladies – if my make-up was smudged? ...Don't you think Graham Cornes is a sexy man? He's great with the young ladies; shall I give him a telephone call?"

Crowd: [cheer]

MacPhisto: "Mm. I do believe it's a local number."


MacPhisto: [speaks off-mic – inaudible] "Mmm..."

Man: "Hello?"

MacPhisto: "Hello, could I speak to Graham Cornes, please?"

Man: "Yes, speaking."

[MacPhisto holds receiver up to the crowd]

Crowd: [cheer]

Graham: [laughs nervously] "What is this...?"

MacPhisto: "Hello, my-- my name is, is... is Mr MacPhisto."

Graham: "Mr MacPhisto."

MacPhisto: "Yes."

Graham: "And what can I do for you?"

MacPhisto: "Well, I'm having a little difficulty finding a young woman suitable for me."

Graham: [nervous laughter]

MacPhisto: "And I hear you've been terribly lucky in that department – is it true?"

Graham: "Yes, that's very true, yes – I have a lovely wife."

MacPhisto: "Oh!  And I hear you've some news for us – maybe your lovely wife is expecting a child, is she, perhaps?"

Graham: "Yes, she'll be having a little baby in June."

MacPhisto: "Ahhh!  And I--"

Graham: "Who is it--" [laughs]

MacPhisto: "And I hear you're a fan of Cliff Richards, is that right?!"

Graham: [laughs] "No, that's... Cliff Richards, indeed not. Maybe the Shadows, but not Cliff Richard!"

MacPhisto: "Oh, I think he's a very exciting pop star, haha!"

Graham: "Well, he's enduring, put it that way. And he probably looks a little bit better than you or I do."

MacPhisto: "Anyway, myself and my friends here – I'm here with a few friends – we love Cliff Richards, and we'd like to sing you a song."

Graham: "Sing me a song...!" [laughs] "What are you doing to our-- "

MacPhisto: [sings] "Con-grat..."

Graham: "What are you doing to our football oval?"

MacPhisto: "I beg your pardon?"

Graham: "What are you doing to our football oval?"

MacPhisto: "We're turning your football oval into some mud, actually." [laughs]

Graham: "Some mud!" [laughs]

MacPhisto: "Yes."

Graham: "Boy, I can tell you, you've messed up football training!"

MacPhisto: "I'm delighted to hear-- I do think you're an ex-- you're an exciting team here at Adelaide, and they wouldn't be the same without you."

Graham: "Oh, thank you. But as long as-- as long as you appreciate..."

MacPhisto: [sings] "Con-grat-u-lations..."

Graham: "Oh..." [laughs]

MacPhisto: [sings] "...and celebrations, we want the world to know how happy... you can be!"

Graham: "Oh, I'm very touched."

MacPhisto: "There you go, Graham."

Graham: "Thank you."

MacPhisto: "Au revoir!"

[Lemon begins]

Graham: [laughs] "Have a great..."

MacPhisto: "Goodnight Graham!  Au revoir!"

Graham: [laughing] "Bye!"

MacPhisto: "Love to your lovelies!"

[ Back to MacPhisto transcripts ]