Australian flag Friday 12th November 1993
Melbourne, Australia

Cricket Ground

MacPhisto: "Thank you. You've made me very famous and I thank you. I know you like your pop stars to be exciting... so I bought these. You need a good gimmick, don't you, these days... with all the competition. Michael Jackson and Madonna."

Crowd: [boo]

MacPhisto: "I think she's gorgeous. Would you like to see me without my clothes on?"

Crowd: [screams]

MacPhisto: "Do you know that before I became a celebrity, nobody found me very attractive at all. Now everybody loves me!  All the glitz and the glamour... makes you very sexy. You like celebrities, don't you, yeah? What are you doing with poor old Derryn Hinch, then? Shame, shame, shame!"

Crowd: [laughter and cheers]

MacPhisto: "Shall I give him a telephone call? When you're famous, everyone gives you their telephone number."


Man: "Hello?"

MacPhisto: "Hello, could I speak to Derryn Hinch, please?"

Man: "I beg your pardon?"

MacPhisto: "I'd like to speak to Derryn Hinch, please."

Man: "Who's calling?"

MacPhisto: "My name is Mr MacPhisto."

Derryn: [laughs loudly]

Crowd: [cheer]

Derryn: "Oh, no!"

MacPhisto: "Derryn, I, I don't understand it, I hear you've lost your job, old chap. We think you're rather terrific, young man. What happened?"

Derryn: "Well, you're very kind, but, actually – people have been mentioning your name in my office all week, d'you know that? Or at least your group's name all week."

MacPhisto: "Well I'm delighted to hear it, I like the, a bit of respect from the media."

Derryn: "Yeah, because the, uh-- my staffers come to me and they keep saying, 'I've been sacked'. I'd say 'You too?'"

Crowd: [a few scattered laughs and groans]

MacPhisto: "Well I must say, I just want to say something, Derryn – we, we have a television station of our own, and we'd rather love you to work for us, if you're doing nothing!"

Derryn: "Well, I will be a bit out of work over Christmas, so I look forward to that!" [laughs] "How did you get my number?"

MacPhisto: "Well, I can't tell you these things, but I know-- I know many things, actually."

Derryn: "You do?"

MacPhisto: "Yes."

Derryn: "Listen, you owe me-- you owe me a favour for intruding on my Friday night at home."

MacPhisto: "Well, I, I'd rather like to g-- I thought I'd already offered you a wonderful chance to be in ZooTV, and... I know it's not Channel Ten..."

Derryn: [chuckles]

MacPhisto: "...but it's... it's a much hipper TV station!"

Crowd: [cheer]

Derryn: "Do me a fa-- the favour I'd like you to do me is, could you – if, tomorrow night, I'm sure you will, when you play Mysterious Ways, would you dedicate it to the Ten Network?"

MacPhisto: "'Cos they-- I get the joke, ha ha..."

Crowd: [laughter]

MacPhisto: "Well, I'd just like to say one thing, and, I-- we called you up for one very simple reason..."

MacPhisto: [sings] "I just called to say..."

Derryn: [laughs]

MacPhisto: [sings] "...I love you... I just called to say how much I care... I just called to say..."

[Lemon begins]

MacPhisto: "Goodbye Derryn!"

Derryn: [laughing] "Bye-bye."

MacPhisto: [Australian accent] "Melbourne loves you, man!"

Derryn: "Bye-bye, thank you!"

MacPhisto: "Au revoir!"

Derryn: "Au revoir!"

MacPhisto: "Off with the horns, on with the show!"

[ Back to MacPhisto transcripts ]