Scottish flag Sunday 8th August 1993
Glasgow, Scotland

Celtic Park

MacPhisto: [sings] "Try a taste of Martini, the most beautiful drink in the world!  It's the right one... that's the bright one..."

MacPhisto: "I love that one. So good. Look what you've done to me. You've made me famous and I thank you for it. I know you like your pop stars to be exciting, so... I bought these. I'm in show business now!  Everybody's into it. Lady Diana's into it... she loves the rock. Funky. My friend John is into it. John Major."

Crowd: [boo]

MacPhisto: "Oh no, he's an exciting fellow – he ran away from the circus to become an accountant. Shall I give him a telephone call?"

Crowd: [cheer]

MacPhisto: [sounds like "Alright."] "I'm sure he'd be so happy to hear from the people of Scotland. Hmm... 10 Downing Street..."


MacPhisto: "Zero-seven-one, nine-three-zero, four-four-three-three."

Woman: "Downing Street."

MacPhisto: "Hello, I'd like to speak to John Major if that's at all possible."

Woman: "I'm sorry, it isn't possible – would you like to leave a message?"

Crowd: [shouting insults]

MacPhisto: "Ah. John Major's not available?"

Woman: "Would you like to leave a message?"

MacPhisto: "My name is Mr MacPhisto, and I'm calling from the top of the country – he may have heard of it, it's called Scotland--"

Crowd: [cheer]

Woman: "Yes?"

MacPhisto: "And I'd just like to say that I think he's doing an absolutely marvellous job for the people of Scotland."

Crowd: [boo]

MacPhisto: "It must be such a headache, being in charge of them when you're so far away. And I'd also like to say that I think he knows exactly what they want – just like he does for the people of Bosnia-Herzegovina. Au revoir!"

Woman: "Bye-bye."

[Ultra Violet begins]

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