Dutch flag Monday 10th May 1993
Rotterdam, the Netherlands

Feyenoord Stadium

Note: If any Dutch speakers can make out what Monique says when answering the phone, or if anything else needs correcting, please get in touch – many thanks!

MacPhisto: "Thank you!"

Crowd: [applause]

MacPhisto: "When..."

Crowd: [singing] "Happy birthday dear Bono..."

MacPhisto: "When-- when you get to my age, you don't really look forward to making speeches... so I'll be brief. In fact I'll sing you a song."

MacPhisto: [sings] "Try a taste of Martini, the most beautiful drink in the world!  It's the right one, it's the bright one, that's Martini!"

Crowd: [laughter and applause]

MacPhisto: "I love that one. Rock 'n' roll is so wide, really, it's such a broad thing. Nobody really knows what it is. I'm wearing platform boots tonight." [shows them off] "I know you like your pop stars to be exciting. Look what you've done to me. You've made me very famous, and for that, I'll be eternally grateful – thank you."

Crowd: [cheers and applause]

MacPhisto: "Round about this time at night, I often make an-- a phone call. Sometimes to the President of the United States. But tonight, I'm going to call my travel agent... because I'm very tired and I think I need a break from all this."

Crowd: [boos and whistles]

MacPhisto: "Don't get me wrong, I love you. But I love myself as well."


MacPhisto: "I love that airport out at Schiphol, don't you? It's got everything you could possibly want."

Recorded message: "KLM Reserveringen. This is KLM Reservations."

[MacPhisto frowns]

Recorded message: "Er is nog één wachtende vóór u. Wilt u zo vriendelijke zijn aan de lijn te blijven. Dank u."

[MacPhisto makes pained faces]

Recorded message: "There is one call ahead of you. Please hold the line. Thank you."

MacPhisto: [aggravated] "Hello? Somebody pick up the phone! ...Hello?"

[waiting music plays; MacPhisto's eyes suddenly light up]

MacPhisto: "They're playing my tune. I'm huge in Moscow!  It must be very busy tonight."

MacPhisto: [sings] "La la da daaa da daaa..."

Recorded message: "Iederéén is nog steeds in gesprek."

MacPhisto: "Hello?"

Recorded message: "Wacht even. Everybody is still busy. Please hold the line."

[music resumes]

MacPhisto: "I don't mind waiting, do you?"

Crowd: "No!"

MacPhisto: "We've got all night, really, haven't we?"

Crowd: "Yes!"

MacPhisto: "We don't mind paying a hundred thousand pound fine, now, do we?!"

Crowd: "No!"

MacPhisto: "Anyway, off with the horns – I think maybe I'll have more luck if they don't know who I am!" [removes horns]

MacPhisto: [sings] "Da da da da daaa da daaa..."

Woman: "Goedenacht, u spreekt met KLM Reserveringen, met Monique [inaudible – might be her surname?]."

MacPhisto: "Hello?"

Woman: "Good evening."

MacPhisto: "Hello, good evening, do you speak English?"

Woman: "Yes, sir."

MacPhisto: "Oh--"

Woman: "May I help you?"

MacPhisto: "Thank you very much. I'm, I'm actually looking to leave, um, um, Amsterdam tonight, and I'd like a flight out of Schiphol this evening – is that at all possible?"

Woman: "Don't think so. Um... where would you like to go to?"

MacPhisto: "Um, I... what flights have you left this evening, leaving?"

Woman: "Don't think... anything..."

MacPhisto: "Tomorrow morning, then?"

Woman: "Yeah... that would be the first--"

MacPhisto: "What have you-- what have you got going? I don't really mind, as long as it's sunny."

Woman: "It's, uh, well, it's supposed to be sunny tomorrow here, in Holland!"

MacPhisto: "That..."

Crowd: [cheer]

Woman: "You don't have to go that far!"

MacPhisto: "Well, they-- that's what they said about yesterday, and there was a terrible thunderstorm, I ruined my hair!"

Woman: "Oh, really?" [laughs]

MacPhisto: "Have you nowhere exotic, like Singapore or somewhere like that?"

Woman: [amused] "Of course, of course. Um, let me see, tomorrow..."

MacPhisto: [suspiciously] "You wouldn't be taking the mickey out of me, now, would you?"

Woman: "Sorry?"

MacPhisto: "You wouldn't be taking the mickey out of an old man, would you?"

Woman: "A mickey? I don't know, what's a mickey?"

MacPhisto: "Oh, it's a colloquialism."

Woman: "It's a joke?"

MacPhisto: "It's a joke."

Woman: "No, no joke."

MacPhisto: "Oh – thank you ve--"

Woman: "I'm very serious."

MacPhisto: "OK then, glad to hear it."

Woman: "Um, we have a flight going tomorrow, but not too early – it's going at 15:05. And it'll--"

MacPhisto: "And where is it going to?"

Woman: "To Singapore."

MacPhisto: "Well, thank you, I, I... I just might make it."

Woman: "Oh, I see."

MacPhisto: "Y-You're a very nice lady. What's your name?"

Woman: "My name is Monique."

MacPhisto: "I'd like to sing you a song, Monique."

Woman: "Oh, that would be nice!"

MacPhisto: "If you just stay on the line, there's a good girl."

Woman: "Okay."

[Ultra Violet begins]

MacPhisto: [sings] "Sometimes I feel like I don't know, sometimes I feel like checking out... I want to get it wrong... you can't always be strong... and you know love it won't be long..."

MacPhisto: "Goodnight!"

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